they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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