i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
