He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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