Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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