so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize