Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
