I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
