Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
