I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize