How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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