Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize