Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize