I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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