You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
