Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
