I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
