So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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