come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
