So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
