your parents love me but you hate me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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