Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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