I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
