just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
