I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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