was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
