does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
