So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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