No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
