Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
