I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
