If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
