I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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