are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
