It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
