thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
