can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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