my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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