if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
