Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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