Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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