Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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