Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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