do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
