AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
