Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
