R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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