I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize