Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize