I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
