The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
