He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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