If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Quick, to the slutcave!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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