lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
two words: eviction party
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize