I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
