just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize