I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
