I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
