Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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