Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
