Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do herpes really smell.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
