your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
