Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
