Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
