They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
