Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
