Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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