Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
