The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
