if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
