The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
