you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
